Before the birth of SWG, 4 years ago, I briefly had another blog that I had to get rid of because some shit hacker decided to, well I don’t even really remember what he did, just that it was stupid and unfriendly and involved passwords and a whole lot of naive on my part.
Half of what I was crabbing about at the time were these stupid work guys, so, when it came time to murder and rebirth myself, I decided that I might as well make fun of my own self as much as I did them, because, hey, it wasn’t entirely their fault that I liked/dated/lusted after/made out with/whatever them, right?
Of course, now I know so much better. It was ENTIRELY their fault. Because I say so.
You know that they were numbered and to this day, in my head, their faces go along with #1, #2, etc.
It was this notion that the stupid work girl was born from. Eventually she stopped pissing and moaning about those particular guys and she just became, well, me.
All the ridiculousness is now just me, save room for my multiple personalities; the mom, the poet, the sex goddess, the bitch, the borderline genius, the runaway girlfriend, the witch, the wicked, the liberal, dragon slaying, heart on my sleeve, to hell with you, and your little dog too, cunt I am today.
But what about the stupid work girl? Does she still exist?
Well, she made her way back to you and fuck if she isn’t the most boring girl I’ve ever met…
She meets these boys, at work, and because nicknames are so much more fun than numbers, we’ll call them Hasselbeck and Eye Candy. They actually have nothing to do with each other except that they work in the same department. Thank Gawd I don’t work in that department, I wouldn’t get anything done sitting in a meeting with these two.
Anyways, Hasselbeck is a decent intellectual match for SWG, and she has been known to completely melt over smart boys. He’s also quite funny, so she overlooks that he’s a bit defensive and snotty in the ways of girls. Gossip has it that he’s eternally single and that he whines. SWG has never heard him whine like this, but it was a trusted source and it explains the single thing. Of course, she does what she does and says whatever she wants so she let him know that she was a bit interested. Of course, guess what? She does this and he’s not single (ok, guess whatever you want, but this is one of those times that I think to myself, “ok, so I might be an idiot, but I’m not an idiot…whatever, stupid”)
And what does she do about this?
NOTHING. She says, “oh, ok, whatever…” Ok, so that is not exactly what she said because she’s a lot more creative than that, but still…nada.
Then she meets Eye Candy. This guy’s pictures don’t do him justice, well, probably because in most of them he looks like that frat boy that we tried to avoid in college. But in person, he’s the guy that looks at you with a strange suspicious look and it’s this precise look that makes you snap out of it and wonder just how long you’ve been staring at him. Add to this that he’s outspoken, likes cuss words, is learning how to drink wine and is a very nice conversationalist.
And do you know what she does?! She drinks wine with him, chats and laughs and then she massages his pretty back (actually a favorite of mine and quite nice to do to the guy that doesn’t automatically think that it’s the first game on the “I’m going to fuck you later” carnival strip). And then after he expresses NUMEROUS times that she is in the wrong profession, and judging by his sleepy look and langid sighs he meant it, he goes home.
End of story.
No pining, no unsent love letters, saving all her self high fives just for herself, no artistry, no OCD, no girl paranoia (ok, well maybe just a teaspoon of that), no crushing, NO NOTHING.
Who the hell is this girl, anyways?!?!
Oh wait…
See you next Tuesday!
